Thoughtful Reflection
One year ago on February 28, 2011 Tiffany gave the most precious gift of life to a twin boy and girl, delivery went well but it was afterwards that they couldn't get the bleeding to stop which ended with her losing her ability to ever have children again. She was devastated, felt so bad that she couldn't give her husband another child or us more grandchildren. We all assured her that she had given us exactly what God had intended in her two sons.
I have asked myself several times over this last year why God would allow such a selfless act on Tiffany's part to turn into such a nightmare. Yet we serve a Sovereign God who knows all and none of this surprised Him. From the beginning of time he had predestined Tiffany to be a part of bringing these little lives into this world and at the same time almost losing her's.
We no more than got her home and she had a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) and yet God's hands were on her as her husband was still home and diagnosed what was happening, she was whisked up by the paramedics and rushed to the hospital, where her heart stopped. The chaplain showed up in the ER room, I remember thinking "Why are you here" yet knowing that they are only called when it is serious, he was a kind man and became the laison for us, getting information on how Tiffany was doing.
When Jeff finally got to go back and see her, he came out with the most discouraged look on his face and just said "it didn't look good" again, we prayed and continued to try to be strong for the boys.
So our week began on March 15, 2011, she pulled through that day and things calmed down for a bit then there was an emergency surgery at 3:00 am on the 17th. I posted this on FB and several people told me the next day that they were waking up to pray when they never do that. God again working in His people to come together in prayer.
By the end of the week she was doing well enough to be transferred out so on Monday they started to prepare her to leave the ICU. She took a walk with her husband down the hallway and was doing so well, then the nightmare started up all over again as a nurse was removing her central line and air got into her veins giving her an "Air Embolism" the pain in her chest was unbearable and begging to be knocked out as her husband watched in horror.
I had just returned to work, and felt strange and in a fog all morning. Ate my lunch in my car in peace and quiet, pondering and thinking about all that we had just gone through. How close we came to losing our daughter, to Jeff losing his wife, to our dear grandson's losing their mother, my heart was heavy and my stomach sick. I sat and prayed. Little did I know that God was preparing me for yet another call that would again test our families faith. Within 20 minutes after lunch I got a call from my husband again to get to the hospital. Tiffany had suffered an "Air Embolism" and her prognoses was not good. One hopes they never receive a call like the first one I got but to get two of them within a week of each other, not sure how I drove from Corvallis to Albany both times. I remember being numb and just praying "God please don't take Tiffany, PLEASE" Why do we pray that? Why when we know and believe that heaven is a better place and to be "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" yet it is our humanity that cries out to stay earth bound to pray for our loved one's to stay with us longer.
When I arrived at the ICU waiting room, Jeff sat there head in hands and sobbing, I just dropped to my knees and hugged around his neck and cried, I was afraid to ask, thinking she was already gone, but she wasn't and the nurses were on the phone calling to find out what to do, There is no medicine for an "Air Embolism". She needed a "Hyperbaric Chamber". Which hospital had one and could take someone criticle? Portland Providence could. They had life flight on it's way and were preparing her for the flight of her life. Again we drew strength from "Our God"
My feelings were so raw, yet in quiet prayer I stayed close to my God, getting comfort like only He can provide. I stood outside her ICU room watching them hustle around her bed, preparing her for transport. I seriously felt numb, like I was having an out of body experience. Every ounce of my being wanted to trade places with her so bad yet all I could do was watch and pray.
When the life flight paramedics arrived and they took her I followed them out to the helicopter, taking pictures ironically enough (don't really remember that much it seemed almost automatic for me to snap shots, I am a picture taker always have a camera on me) some may think that is weird but all I can say is for that time my daughter was alive and we had no promise when we got to Portland that would be the case.
When they lifted off my heart just sank and I couldn't get to Portland fast enough. My husband on the other hand felt there was no hurry, even though he had not given up there was a part of him that had already prepared himself to hear the words no parent ever wants to hear. Me on the other hand would NOT let my mind go there, until I had to.
We got to finally see her at around 11:00 pm that night and she had pulled through her first treatment in the hyperbaric chamber, several more treatments followed. She had signifcant brain damage, when she finally woke up it was obvious that there was damage, we kept up a good front for her but fell apart in private. Praising God for her being with us still and praying for her healing. She spent 2 weeks in Portland and became known as the "Miracle Girl" because even though her MRI's still showed damage, she was up walking and talking after the first week. We are fearfully and Wonderfully made, our brains actually will create new paths and that is exactly what her's was doing. Who would of known that her turn around would be so quick "Our God", her creator.
I have pondered the question, "Why Pray?" If God is soverign and knows all then our prayers won't change God's heart, mind or plan for our lives? So back to my original question "Why Pray?"
We pray because God wants a relationship with us, we pray because it is us communicating with our Father in heaven. You can't have a relationship with someone if you don't talk to them. It is the same with God. I have to go back to the Sovereignty of God. He knows all, He knew from the beginning of time that this was the road that Tiffany was going to go down. He had been preparing her heart, her mind and most importantly her soul, to travel this road not alone but with Him. As a loving earthly father holds his childs hand Tiffany's heavenly Father held her hand through it all. I know it may seem like we are the one's in control and for all tense and purposes we are or at least it feels like we are. It is a hard thing to understand or explain all I know is:
My God is Bigger, My God is Stronger, God you are Higher than any other, My God is Healer, Awesome in Power My God, My God!
these words are from Chris Tomlin's Song "Our God" I used the word MY because that is how personal God is to me, (to each of His children) He is MY God and He Loves ME.
If it were not for Him, none of us would of made it through that month and this entire year with the ups and downs.
I have asked myself several times over the last year WHY? Why did this have to happen? Did it bring us all closer to God? I really felt our family was already close to God, always depending on Him but nothing can ever prepare you for losing a child or almost losing an adult child. It will shake your faith to the ground, and in these difficult moments in life it will define who you are. We have all forever been changed but we will FOREVER praise our God for His goodness remains the same forever and ever. May we never forget God's grace, His love, His blessings in our lives. May we treasure those around us always and may we NEVER forget to tell each other "I Love You"
One year ago on February 28, 2011 Tiffany gave the most precious gift of life to a twin boy and girl, delivery went well but it was afterwards that they couldn't get the bleeding to stop which ended with her losing her ability to ever have children again. She was devastated, felt so bad that she couldn't give her husband another child or us more grandchildren. We all assured her that she had given us exactly what God had intended in her two sons.
I have asked myself several times over this last year why God would allow such a selfless act on Tiffany's part to turn into such a nightmare. Yet we serve a Sovereign God who knows all and none of this surprised Him. From the beginning of time he had predestined Tiffany to be a part of bringing these little lives into this world and at the same time almost losing her's.
We no more than got her home and she had a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) and yet God's hands were on her as her husband was still home and diagnosed what was happening, she was whisked up by the paramedics and rushed to the hospital, where her heart stopped. The chaplain showed up in the ER room, I remember thinking "Why are you here" yet knowing that they are only called when it is serious, he was a kind man and became the laison for us, getting information on how Tiffany was doing.
When Jeff finally got to go back and see her, he came out with the most discouraged look on his face and just said "it didn't look good" again, we prayed and continued to try to be strong for the boys.
So our week began on March 15, 2011, she pulled through that day and things calmed down for a bit then there was an emergency surgery at 3:00 am on the 17th. I posted this on FB and several people told me the next day that they were waking up to pray when they never do that. God again working in His people to come together in prayer.
By the end of the week she was doing well enough to be transferred out so on Monday they started to prepare her to leave the ICU. She took a walk with her husband down the hallway and was doing so well, then the nightmare started up all over again as a nurse was removing her central line and air got into her veins giving her an "Air Embolism" the pain in her chest was unbearable and begging to be knocked out as her husband watched in horror.
I had just returned to work, and felt strange and in a fog all morning. Ate my lunch in my car in peace and quiet, pondering and thinking about all that we had just gone through. How close we came to losing our daughter, to Jeff losing his wife, to our dear grandson's losing their mother, my heart was heavy and my stomach sick. I sat and prayed. Little did I know that God was preparing me for yet another call that would again test our families faith. Within 20 minutes after lunch I got a call from my husband again to get to the hospital. Tiffany had suffered an "Air Embolism" and her prognoses was not good. One hopes they never receive a call like the first one I got but to get two of them within a week of each other, not sure how I drove from Corvallis to Albany both times. I remember being numb and just praying "God please don't take Tiffany, PLEASE" Why do we pray that? Why when we know and believe that heaven is a better place and to be "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" yet it is our humanity that cries out to stay earth bound to pray for our loved one's to stay with us longer.
When I arrived at the ICU waiting room, Jeff sat there head in hands and sobbing, I just dropped to my knees and hugged around his neck and cried, I was afraid to ask, thinking she was already gone, but she wasn't and the nurses were on the phone calling to find out what to do, There is no medicine for an "Air Embolism". She needed a "Hyperbaric Chamber". Which hospital had one and could take someone criticle? Portland Providence could. They had life flight on it's way and were preparing her for the flight of her life. Again we drew strength from "Our God"
My feelings were so raw, yet in quiet prayer I stayed close to my God, getting comfort like only He can provide. I stood outside her ICU room watching them hustle around her bed, preparing her for transport. I seriously felt numb, like I was having an out of body experience. Every ounce of my being wanted to trade places with her so bad yet all I could do was watch and pray.
When the life flight paramedics arrived and they took her I followed them out to the helicopter, taking pictures ironically enough (don't really remember that much it seemed almost automatic for me to snap shots, I am a picture taker always have a camera on me) some may think that is weird but all I can say is for that time my daughter was alive and we had no promise when we got to Portland that would be the case.
When they lifted off my heart just sank and I couldn't get to Portland fast enough. My husband on the other hand felt there was no hurry, even though he had not given up there was a part of him that had already prepared himself to hear the words no parent ever wants to hear. Me on the other hand would NOT let my mind go there, until I had to.
We got to finally see her at around 11:00 pm that night and she had pulled through her first treatment in the hyperbaric chamber, several more treatments followed. She had signifcant brain damage, when she finally woke up it was obvious that there was damage, we kept up a good front for her but fell apart in private. Praising God for her being with us still and praying for her healing. She spent 2 weeks in Portland and became known as the "Miracle Girl" because even though her MRI's still showed damage, she was up walking and talking after the first week. We are fearfully and Wonderfully made, our brains actually will create new paths and that is exactly what her's was doing. Who would of known that her turn around would be so quick "Our God", her creator.
I have pondered the question, "Why Pray?" If God is soverign and knows all then our prayers won't change God's heart, mind or plan for our lives? So back to my original question "Why Pray?"
We pray because God wants a relationship with us, we pray because it is us communicating with our Father in heaven. You can't have a relationship with someone if you don't talk to them. It is the same with God. I have to go back to the Sovereignty of God. He knows all, He knew from the beginning of time that this was the road that Tiffany was going to go down. He had been preparing her heart, her mind and most importantly her soul, to travel this road not alone but with Him. As a loving earthly father holds his childs hand Tiffany's heavenly Father held her hand through it all. I know it may seem like we are the one's in control and for all tense and purposes we are or at least it feels like we are. It is a hard thing to understand or explain all I know is:
My God is Bigger, My God is Stronger, God you are Higher than any other, My God is Healer, Awesome in Power My God, My God!
these words are from Chris Tomlin's Song "Our God" I used the word MY because that is how personal God is to me, (to each of His children) He is MY God and He Loves ME.
If it were not for Him, none of us would of made it through that month and this entire year with the ups and downs.
I have asked myself several times over the last year WHY? Why did this have to happen? Did it bring us all closer to God? I really felt our family was already close to God, always depending on Him but nothing can ever prepare you for losing a child or almost losing an adult child. It will shake your faith to the ground, and in these difficult moments in life it will define who you are. We have all forever been changed but we will FOREVER praise our God for His goodness remains the same forever and ever. May we never forget God's grace, His love, His blessings in our lives. May we treasure those around us always and may we NEVER forget to tell each other "I Love You"
Beautiful words Dee, beautifully spoken. Wow.
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