Rollercoaster of Emotions
Started writing this on March 26, 2011 sitting next to Tiffany's hospital bed and finally finished it. This is my accounting of what happened. It felt good to finally get it all out. I pray daily still that God be glorified in all that happened. It is long and may have many errors in spelling but it is written from a mother's heart that had been broken more times in one month than I ever want to endure again.
This is my account:
Not even sure where to start, the entire month of March has been a rollercoaster of emotions, starting with Feb 28th and the delivery of two beautiful little ones that our daughter Tiffany carried for another couple. The delivery was normal but then she wouldn't stop bleeding. That led to an emergency hysterectomy and she bled out if not for blood transfusion we would of lost her, little did we know that this was just the beginning of the crazy month in store for us. She returned home on Saturday March 5th and was on the road to recovery when on March 15th she had a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) and in God's perfect timing Jeff didn't work that day until 2:00 so he was home and diagnosed what was happening and called 911 as Tiffany had a seizure. The paramedics arrived and listened to Jeff's assessment and scooped up Tiffany and away they went. This was my second day back to work after being gone for a week in Vegas (which was a business trip) left work around 10 am headed to GSH (that was where Tiffany & Jeff usually went) and then found out they were at AGH, headed there as carefully as possible all the time praying through walls of tears that had welled up in my eyes. Not wanting to get all crazy and trying to keep my mind calm. Arriving at AGH finding my son-in-law and grandsons in the waiting room, shortly after Mike showed up and the waiting began. Jeff was finally able to get in to see Tiffany and when he came out his face was as white as a sheet, he said that she had coded and that it didn't look good. At that time you feel like you are in a dream and you just can't process what is being said, tears welled up again but not wanting to loose it in front of the boys we all tried to contain ourselves. Then the chaplain showed up. In my mind as I listened to him I was thinking "why did they call the chaplain?" Was my daughter dying? Was she dead? I am pretty sure that the ER doctors were not sure and he was called for two reasons to be there to comfort us and to help us get information from the doctor's and nurses. When they said they were moving her up to ICU we headed to the elevators, I however hung behind waiting for them to bring Tiffany out and when they did she did not look good, she was on a ventilator and her skin color was not healthy looking. The nurse looked at me and said, "Is this your daughter?" I said, yes and she said, "you can kiss her", I leaned over and gave her a kiss on her forehead and LOST IT.
Many sleepless nights awaited us as we sat by her bedside taking turns being with her. When she regained consiousness, they accessed her breathing and she was overbreathing the ventilator and so they were going to take her off it but then decided to wait (which was a good thing) because later that night after her dad and Jeff went home to try to get some rest, our friend Dick and myself were sitting with her and I noticed that her vitals were dropping and her stomach seemed to be swollen, I went and got one of the nurses, she came in and gave her some blood pressure meds and left, I went back out and said that her stomach does not look good and so they called the doctor on call and he came in and the next thing we knew she was getting prepped for surgery. Of course by then Dick and I had called Mike and Jeff back to the hospital. Emergency surgery at 2:30 in the morning, more praying. Our youth pastor showed up to sit with us and pray with us. I posted on FB requesting prayer if there was anyone up. The first to respond was Toby Wilson, (he was living in Washington DC) they wheeled Tiffany down to surgery and my heart sank, I could not take it any longer and took myself to ER, for some meds for my head that had been throbing for weeks now. We found out later that the surgery didn't actually start until around 3:30 and the ironic thing was that the next day on my FB post so many were posting that they were woke up around 3:30 in the morning with Tiffany on their minds and just prayed. We know that God was waking up His prayer warriors for our Tiff. She had blood in her abdomin, they found blood clots and a lot of blood she again required a blood transfusion. Again she dodged another bullet and recoved fairly quickly, this happened early Thursday morning and by Thursday afternoon she was off the ventilator, talking at a whisper with a very raspey voice but talking. It felt so good to hear her voice. She was on the mend, by Friday she was able (with help) to get out of bed and on Monday her and Jeff actually took a strole down the hallway as they were preparing to move her out onto the floor. She was getting out of ICU. Her father and I had returned to work (Monday March 21, 2011) I remember feeling exhausted and not in the mood for any company during lunch, so I ate in my car and was just quiet as I comtemplated all that we had just gone through and how God had saved our daughter and gave her back to us, went in and shared with a co-worker, that I think she (Tiffany) is finally on the mend, sat down at my desk and got "The Call" it was my husband Mike telling me to get to the hospital again that they were removing Tiffany's central line and she had an air embolisum, as he was telling me this I am quietly closing down my computer and grabing my purse and i hang up the phone and I just put my head on my desk for a minute and the tears start to flow and my co-worker comforts me and I said I had to leave, as I drove AGAIN, I prayed and stayed calm, having faith that nothing happens that my God doesn't know about but as any mom would do I am pleading with Him again for the 4th time to please save our Tiffany. Got to the hospital and in the ICU waiting room was Jeff and our friend Dick and the boys. Jeff was crying and I just dropped my purse and went to him and held him and cried with him. Dick prayed for Tiffany and was crying, it was an awful time. My heart was breaking again but it was also breaking for Jeff as the love of his life, was fighting for her life once again. I went and stood outside of her ICU room as they were preparing to life flight her. They actually were on the phone making calls as to who could take her that had a Hyperbaric chamber and could treat someone criticle, it ended up being Portland Providence. I felt like I was on a set of a movie the only difference is I wasn't one of those parents screaming at the doctors or getting in the way. I just stood there silently, praying and watching them work on our daughter, I felt numb. They had her bed tilted head down trying to keep the air bubbles from moving. The helicopter paramedics arrived and they wrapped her in what looked like a body bag, they started to take her out and I followed. I had to be close to her, I walked all the way out to the helipad and watched in unbelief as they loaded her in. I had my cell phone on me so I took pictures, I know that some may think, "How could you do that" in my mind I just had to have pictures what if that was the last time I saw her, it was like being able to hold onto her somehow.
It was the most awful drive to Portland that my husband and I have ever taken. Mike said that we needed to prepare ourselves that she was not going to make it. I said, I couldn't think that way now, that all I knew right now was that she was alive and being air lifted I couldn't go there until I needed to go there. God gave our family so much Grace as we all went through this, could not of made it at all without Him.
We got to the hospital and still knew nothing until around 11 pm when the doctor got off the elevator, it was one of those moments that your heart stands still as you pray, "Please do not let this be bad news, Please let Tiffany be okay" When she said that she made it through the first treatment and was being taken to ICU, there was a sign of relief, "She was still with us" When we finally got to see her she was intubated again and in a coma. There was no response when the nurses checked her right foot, we were looking at the possibility that she was paralized. The doctor showed us her brain MRI. He goes all the white spots are damaged. Mike and I were just sick, but again we just prayed. Sleep was not possible, I ended up back at our hotel but could not sleep, my heart was just aching to hold my daughter to go back to when she was a little girl and protect her. I wanted to scream but couldn't. I prayed again God gave me Grace to get through it. I felt the prayers of others as the days went by. I think it was Wednesday that she woke up and this time when they took her off the ventilator she yawned and the way she looked wasn't good, they say when a person has brain damage they yawn really big trying to get oxygen to the brain, she looked at us as we spoke to her words of encouragement and how beautiful she was and how good she was doing but it was like she was looking past us, wasn't sure she recongized us. I left the room and found a quiet place in a back hallway and just slid down the wall and face in hands cried, her mother-in-law Barb showed up and sat with me and hugged me. I pulled myself together and went back in to see my daughter. She made such good progress and soon was moved out onto the floor. The doctor ordered another Brain MRI and said there was no change but yet there was change in her and he said that the brain re-routes itself and it was obvious in Tiffany that was exactly what it was doing. "We are fearfully and Wonderfully made"
She then was moved to the rehabilitation wing of the hospital where daily she received Physical and Occupational Therapy, she was up and walking Praise God. All we knew was that we had our Tiffany back and we would take her anyway we could get her. On Friday April 1, 2011 she got her walking papers and Jeff wrote on her room white board "Tiffany has left the building" Jeff's parents had already taken the boys home and it was just Jeff and I left as they wheeled Tiffany out the front of the hospital, my face hurt from smiling so much. Jeff walking behind her with a smile on his face of relief he was getting to take his beautiful Tiffany home, home to continue to be his wife, and mother to their children. We ALL almost lost our daughter, sister & aunt these last 4 weeks, it was a rollercoaster ride of emotions that none of us ever want to go on again. If it were not for our strong faith in God none of us would of made it though what we did. Our God is Soverign and this did not surprise Him. He has a plan and Tiffany has a story to tell and peoples lives to touch still and that is why she is still with us.
May we never forget the great pain and sorrow we endured and how Great our God is that got us through it all.
This is my account:
Not even sure where to start, the entire month of March has been a rollercoaster of emotions, starting with Feb 28th and the delivery of two beautiful little ones that our daughter Tiffany carried for another couple. The delivery was normal but then she wouldn't stop bleeding. That led to an emergency hysterectomy and she bled out if not for blood transfusion we would of lost her, little did we know that this was just the beginning of the crazy month in store for us. She returned home on Saturday March 5th and was on the road to recovery when on March 15th she had a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) and in God's perfect timing Jeff didn't work that day until 2:00 so he was home and diagnosed what was happening and called 911 as Tiffany had a seizure. The paramedics arrived and listened to Jeff's assessment and scooped up Tiffany and away they went. This was my second day back to work after being gone for a week in Vegas (which was a business trip) left work around 10 am headed to GSH (that was where Tiffany & Jeff usually went) and then found out they were at AGH, headed there as carefully as possible all the time praying through walls of tears that had welled up in my eyes. Not wanting to get all crazy and trying to keep my mind calm. Arriving at AGH finding my son-in-law and grandsons in the waiting room, shortly after Mike showed up and the waiting began. Jeff was finally able to get in to see Tiffany and when he came out his face was as white as a sheet, he said that she had coded and that it didn't look good. At that time you feel like you are in a dream and you just can't process what is being said, tears welled up again but not wanting to loose it in front of the boys we all tried to contain ourselves. Then the chaplain showed up. In my mind as I listened to him I was thinking "why did they call the chaplain?" Was my daughter dying? Was she dead? I am pretty sure that the ER doctors were not sure and he was called for two reasons to be there to comfort us and to help us get information from the doctor's and nurses. When they said they were moving her up to ICU we headed to the elevators, I however hung behind waiting for them to bring Tiffany out and when they did she did not look good, she was on a ventilator and her skin color was not healthy looking. The nurse looked at me and said, "Is this your daughter?" I said, yes and she said, "you can kiss her", I leaned over and gave her a kiss on her forehead and LOST IT.
Many sleepless nights awaited us as we sat by her bedside taking turns being with her. When she regained consiousness, they accessed her breathing and she was overbreathing the ventilator and so they were going to take her off it but then decided to wait (which was a good thing) because later that night after her dad and Jeff went home to try to get some rest, our friend Dick and myself were sitting with her and I noticed that her vitals were dropping and her stomach seemed to be swollen, I went and got one of the nurses, she came in and gave her some blood pressure meds and left, I went back out and said that her stomach does not look good and so they called the doctor on call and he came in and the next thing we knew she was getting prepped for surgery. Of course by then Dick and I had called Mike and Jeff back to the hospital. Emergency surgery at 2:30 in the morning, more praying. Our youth pastor showed up to sit with us and pray with us. I posted on FB requesting prayer if there was anyone up. The first to respond was Toby Wilson, (he was living in Washington DC) they wheeled Tiffany down to surgery and my heart sank, I could not take it any longer and took myself to ER, for some meds for my head that had been throbing for weeks now. We found out later that the surgery didn't actually start until around 3:30 and the ironic thing was that the next day on my FB post so many were posting that they were woke up around 3:30 in the morning with Tiffany on their minds and just prayed. We know that God was waking up His prayer warriors for our Tiff. She had blood in her abdomin, they found blood clots and a lot of blood she again required a blood transfusion. Again she dodged another bullet and recoved fairly quickly, this happened early Thursday morning and by Thursday afternoon she was off the ventilator, talking at a whisper with a very raspey voice but talking. It felt so good to hear her voice. She was on the mend, by Friday she was able (with help) to get out of bed and on Monday her and Jeff actually took a strole down the hallway as they were preparing to move her out onto the floor. She was getting out of ICU. Her father and I had returned to work (Monday March 21, 2011) I remember feeling exhausted and not in the mood for any company during lunch, so I ate in my car and was just quiet as I comtemplated all that we had just gone through and how God had saved our daughter and gave her back to us, went in and shared with a co-worker, that I think she (Tiffany) is finally on the mend, sat down at my desk and got "The Call" it was my husband Mike telling me to get to the hospital again that they were removing Tiffany's central line and she had an air embolisum, as he was telling me this I am quietly closing down my computer and grabing my purse and i hang up the phone and I just put my head on my desk for a minute and the tears start to flow and my co-worker comforts me and I said I had to leave, as I drove AGAIN, I prayed and stayed calm, having faith that nothing happens that my God doesn't know about but as any mom would do I am pleading with Him again for the 4th time to please save our Tiffany. Got to the hospital and in the ICU waiting room was Jeff and our friend Dick and the boys. Jeff was crying and I just dropped my purse and went to him and held him and cried with him. Dick prayed for Tiffany and was crying, it was an awful time. My heart was breaking again but it was also breaking for Jeff as the love of his life, was fighting for her life once again. I went and stood outside of her ICU room as they were preparing to life flight her. They actually were on the phone making calls as to who could take her that had a Hyperbaric chamber and could treat someone criticle, it ended up being Portland Providence. I felt like I was on a set of a movie the only difference is I wasn't one of those parents screaming at the doctors or getting in the way. I just stood there silently, praying and watching them work on our daughter, I felt numb. They had her bed tilted head down trying to keep the air bubbles from moving. The helicopter paramedics arrived and they wrapped her in what looked like a body bag, they started to take her out and I followed. I had to be close to her, I walked all the way out to the helipad and watched in unbelief as they loaded her in. I had my cell phone on me so I took pictures, I know that some may think, "How could you do that" in my mind I just had to have pictures what if that was the last time I saw her, it was like being able to hold onto her somehow.
It was the most awful drive to Portland that my husband and I have ever taken. Mike said that we needed to prepare ourselves that she was not going to make it. I said, I couldn't think that way now, that all I knew right now was that she was alive and being air lifted I couldn't go there until I needed to go there. God gave our family so much Grace as we all went through this, could not of made it at all without Him.
We got to the hospital and still knew nothing until around 11 pm when the doctor got off the elevator, it was one of those moments that your heart stands still as you pray, "Please do not let this be bad news, Please let Tiffany be okay" When she said that she made it through the first treatment and was being taken to ICU, there was a sign of relief, "She was still with us" When we finally got to see her she was intubated again and in a coma. There was no response when the nurses checked her right foot, we were looking at the possibility that she was paralized. The doctor showed us her brain MRI. He goes all the white spots are damaged. Mike and I were just sick, but again we just prayed. Sleep was not possible, I ended up back at our hotel but could not sleep, my heart was just aching to hold my daughter to go back to when she was a little girl and protect her. I wanted to scream but couldn't. I prayed again God gave me Grace to get through it. I felt the prayers of others as the days went by. I think it was Wednesday that she woke up and this time when they took her off the ventilator she yawned and the way she looked wasn't good, they say when a person has brain damage they yawn really big trying to get oxygen to the brain, she looked at us as we spoke to her words of encouragement and how beautiful she was and how good she was doing but it was like she was looking past us, wasn't sure she recongized us. I left the room and found a quiet place in a back hallway and just slid down the wall and face in hands cried, her mother-in-law Barb showed up and sat with me and hugged me. I pulled myself together and went back in to see my daughter. She made such good progress and soon was moved out onto the floor. The doctor ordered another Brain MRI and said there was no change but yet there was change in her and he said that the brain re-routes itself and it was obvious in Tiffany that was exactly what it was doing. "We are fearfully and Wonderfully made"
She then was moved to the rehabilitation wing of the hospital where daily she received Physical and Occupational Therapy, she was up and walking Praise God. All we knew was that we had our Tiffany back and we would take her anyway we could get her. On Friday April 1, 2011 she got her walking papers and Jeff wrote on her room white board "Tiffany has left the building" Jeff's parents had already taken the boys home and it was just Jeff and I left as they wheeled Tiffany out the front of the hospital, my face hurt from smiling so much. Jeff walking behind her with a smile on his face of relief he was getting to take his beautiful Tiffany home, home to continue to be his wife, and mother to their children. We ALL almost lost our daughter, sister & aunt these last 4 weeks, it was a rollercoaster ride of emotions that none of us ever want to go on again. If it were not for our strong faith in God none of us would of made it though what we did. Our God is Soverign and this did not surprise Him. He has a plan and Tiffany has a story to tell and peoples lives to touch still and that is why she is still with us.
May we never forget the great pain and sorrow we endured and how Great our God is that got us through it all.
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