Thoughts of the Heart

As I'm wrapping Christmas gifts and filling out name tags, I write Tiffany's name out, slowly and just look at it and think of how different this Christmas could of been.  Why do I keep going there?  She is with us and that should be the furtherest thing from my mind, yet it plagues me almost everyday, the fact that I can text her, talk to her, hug her.call her, email her and just BE with her is amazing to me everyday and causes me to continuely thank God for those simple pleasures.  I think that as each Holiday passes and the further we get away from the tragedy the easier it will be, but there are no guarantees.  It is a process and everyone goes through it differently.  It has been 9 months, why is it that something so small as a picture or a song can send me crashing into tears?  I think that a mother's love goes deeper than it is possible to explain.  There is something inside of me that just aches for my girls and never wants them to hurt....

I haven't posted in a long time, pretty much figure I don't have anything that interesting to say.  My daughters and son-in-laws are quite the thinkers and writers and they convey themselves so much better than I do, then I realize that it's my insecurities that keep me from posting or sharing anything for fear of  not saying something right or sharing something that maybe I shouldn't.  I have opened myself up in the past and had women use it against me, when they see my vuluable side they use me and I have been hurt. Before I go on I want to ask you to please pardon my spelling it's not the best, my puntcuation and grammar are awful as well, but I don't want that to keep me from sharing my heart. So all this to say... I have been thinking about my childhood and how to this day it affects who I am.  Now some of us get to have parents who encourage and are supportive.  I didn't get that (please don't get me wrong I love my parents and they did the be...